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22 May 2013 @ 05:18 pm
[One Shot] This Is What Happens When My Brain Runs Free (QMi)  
Title: This Is What Happens When My Brain Runs Free
Author: arashi_nana
Pairing: QMi
Rating: R (to be on the safe side)
Genre: Idek... angst?
Summary: More like warnings: mentions of attempted suicide, OOC Zhou Mi, character death
Notes: Ex-boyfriends are dicks. Written at 4AM under extreme emotional stress, unbeta-ed (is this even a word?)
Word Count: 845 Words

Was super hesitant about posting this online, but my lovely friend ink_river10 encouraged me to do so <3

Henry sat with his manager and quietly watched Zhou Mi’s manager pace the vacant room the hospital staff confined them to—the press invading the waiting room when news of Zhou Mi’s hospitalization leaked to the public. The official word was Zhou Mi fainting from exhaustion of a busy schedule, but that was not the case. If you had told any member that one of their own would be locked up in a hospital under suicide watch, they would have laughed at you and called you crazy.

Had Henry not found Zhou Mi en route to the fridge at four in the morning, the doctors said it would have been too late to save him. Both Henry and Zhou Mi were lucky they said. But Henry didn’t feel lucky. Henry felt crazy. The image of Zhou Mi passed out on their living room floor, a glass of red wine staining the carpet and an empty bottle of Vicodin in his limp grasp was still fresh in the young man’s mind.

A phone rang, startling the three men. Zhou Mi’s manager quickly answered, switching from Mandarin to Korean. Henry concluded that the company was looking for an update on Zhou Mi’s condition, but they had no new information to offer. After pumping Zhou Mi’s stomach and Zhou Mi regaining consciousness, he had been confined to both intense suicide observation (a nurse within arm’s reach at all times) and video surveillance. It had been two hours since Zhou Mi had awaken and he had specifically stated that no member of his family or company were to come anywhere near him, and given the situation, no one had any choice but to comply.


Zhou Mi stares blankly at the ceiling, cringing inwardly with every beep his heart monitor makes. A constant reminder that he failed; he is still alive. He contemplates ripping the needle from his arm and stabbing himself with it, but a simple twitch of his finger has both nurses—babysitters—at his side in seconds.

Zhou Mi ignores them and closes his eyes, willing himself unconscious.


Kyuhyun hears an impatient huff and Sungmin’s voice but does not register the elder’s words. He’s soon pulled out of bed and dropped ungracefully on the floor and swears violently at his band member.

“What the fuck is your problem Lee Sungmin?!” Kyuhyun complains as he rubs his eyes and blinks angrily up at the other man, first noticing the obvious distress on his face.

Kyuhyun’s tone changes from annoyance to worry, “Hyung? What’s wrong?”

Sungmin runs a hand through his bed-tousled hair. “It’s Zhou Mi.” Sungmin’s expression darkens, “He tried to commit suicide last night.”


Kyuhyun stares at his phone in horror while their managers brief them on Zhou Mi’s condition in the conference room.


Kui Xian


You’re busy aren’t you


I know Kui Xian. I know.

Kyuhyun visibly pales.


I know about you. And her.


Why did you lie to me?


Why did you lie and say there wasn’t anyone else?


I can take the rejection but I can’t stomach you lying straight to my face.


It’s been months. I’ve known for months. I’ve been waiting for you to say something. You haven’t.


I hate you. I really hate you.


No that's not right. When I say I hate you, I really mean you hurt me. Why do you always do this to me?


You don’t even care do you?


I can’t do this anymore.




Zhou Mi pays no attention to the new psychologist the doctor sends him.

He already knows what’s wrong with him.


To create an image of solidarity, Kyuhyun and the other members of their M sub-unit are flown to China.

Kyuhyun is sick with guilt the whole flight.


I hope your friend is okay

Kyuhyun turns off his phone. He can’t deal with his girlfriend right now.


It’s the psychologists fourth visit.

“Wrists are for bracelets, not for cutting.”

Zhou Mi stares at the faded scars that line his arms and snorts in amusement.


Henry clings to Ryeowook when they arrive at the hospital.

He cries about wine and plastic, amber bottles.


“Your friends from Korea are here.” A nurse says.

Zhou Mi’s not all there.


Kyuhyun watches the video feed.

Zhou Mi knows he’s watching.


No one knows how, but in the two seconds Zhou Mi’s nurse is pre-occupied, Zhou Mi plunges the needle right through his throat.

The nurse is screeches for help.

He’s still alive but barely breathing.

He probably punctured an important vein.

He smiles knowingly at the camera.


It takes another three days.

Zhou Mi gets transferred to a padded cell.


Life clings to Zhou Mi like a disease. No matter what he tries, he always manages to survive.

Guilt is a funny thing he thinks as he stares out his 5X5 inch window.

He smiles at Kyuhyun as he sways in the breeze, dangling at the end of a rope.
arashi_nana: Heechularashi_nana on May 22nd, 2013 11:21 pm (UTC)
Spot for ink_river10
ink_river10: Sungmin B&W Sadink_river10 on May 23rd, 2013 02:20 am (UTC)
I think this is one of those fics that will stay with me for a long time. It was really hard to read, and yet good, and painful, but good. And heartbreaking, but good. And anger-inducing (at Kyu) but good.

I love you and I think it was good you posted it. *hugs*
arashi_nanaarashi_nana on May 23rd, 2013 05:03 pm (UTC)
I love you and thank you for encouraging me to post it. I'm so glad that you thought it was good and that you didn't judge me and my frazzled brain at 4 in the morning -hugs-

I never want to kill off Kyuhyun again (or make Zhou Mi crazy).

PS I don't know how long I stared at your icon until I realized it was Sungmin.
catherine_leitecatherine_leite on May 23rd, 2013 03:01 pm (UTC)
*cries* this is so heartbreaking.....
*sobs harder while collecting my pieces of broken heart*
arashi_nana: Kyuhyunarashi_nana on May 23rd, 2013 05:00 pm (UTC)
-passes tissues-
Don't cry!!

-glues pieces of heart together-

Thank you for reading!
Lightlight_on_oceans on May 23rd, 2013 03:58 pm (UTC)
this was heartbreaking but...in a good way? T_T beautiful writing!
arashi_nanaarashi_nana on May 23rd, 2013 05:00 pm (UTC)
beautiful writing!
asjdhalskjdhalskjdhlaskjdh Thank you T-T

Thank you for your comment and thank you for reading!!
iluvsuju95iluvsuju95 on May 28th, 2013 03:01 pm (UTC)
sobssss... this is so heartbreaking... but the story was really well written.. it makes me really want to cry.. i was hoping it will end in a better way.. but oh well.. kyu.. it's all your fault T.T do write more qmi in the future.. i'll be truly happy.. thank you very much for the story <33
arashi_nanaarashi_nana on May 28th, 2013 04:42 pm (UTC)
I was in a bad mood when I wrote this, so this was the only ending that seemed to fit.
I plan to write more QMi in the future :)
Maybe something happier though.

Thank you very much for reading ♥